journal

  HOW COME every time I take a step forward, I am dragged two steps back?  now that I finally started gettinga hang of UPSC prep, this JRF talwar is back at my head, hanging.  wait a sec - i need to stick to my plan, that i have prescribed to myself - no rush, hush hush.  if i aim at solving 150 qquestions everyday and read 30 pages and blah blah - its not going to get into my head... i need to break it down.  i have got this,. all under control :)  k bye . good talk .. abhi 30 days sirf pyq compile aur answer kya hai sawal ka, uspe focus karte hain. thats doable. 

Another pearl of wisdom fell from my brain today.  Patience, positivity, perseverance, and passion are the most moooooooostest cardinal virtues.  I mustn't rush into anything. Being spontaneous is good, but being quicksand won't bring any good to anyone. Take a deep breath and let things unfold. Thoda samay lagega, par jab jo hona hoga, tab ho hi jaayega.  I just need to focus on the present minute and live it to the fullest. That's all I have and that's all I need to take care of.  Ok 

Not going to lie, I am love these quirky titles for these post.  So my first question to myself is..... Drum rolls please -  1. So how does it feel navigating your everyday on your own.  It is confusing. I lack a structure as of now. I guess it will take some time before I can build a routine. Even more time before it turns out to be holistic and sustainable.  NGL, it'd be great if someone would just telll me what to do and when to do - koi batate chale ki kab kyaa kitna karna hai, aur hum anusaran kar lein....  In school, I used to guide myself khud hi.... So ya, miss the self-guidance..... Damn I was, no I am my own Sherpa.  2. Does it feel lonely? At times, absolutely and totally. But it doesn't linger anymore. Just a fleeting thought or feeeeeeling. Like ki haan ye phalana baat kisi ko batana hai, par koi hai nahi bataane ke liye..... (To likh lo maybe, ) Utna bhi sexy baat nahi hota hai ki likhte phirein.... Just a basic ykw moment.... Wo nahi hota, wa...

Ok finally, third time indeed is the charm....  It's good Friday today, and I had 3-4 epiphany...  My gospel def should begin here ...  1. There is only one thing that matters - good deeds, good deeds and good deeds.  It doesn't have to be grand gestures or big fat donations. Just simple act of kindness. Have someone's back. Instead of adding  one more non-necessary item to your existing collections, use that money, however so little, in genuinely helping out someone - feed someone... Vaccinate a stray, buy someone a chai... Little things have the greatest impacts.   2.  Be kind - to yourself and others.  2.  Do not hurt  - yourself or others, if you get angry, drink it up untill you find a healthy way to channel it out... Or talk to a specialist. It's easier to lash out, sometimes it is necessary also.... But don't let anger be your bestie... But don't be a neutral observer in the face of apparent wrong.  3. Fight injustice -...

Pahli baat to ye ki man I am a hypocrite - we all are but mY oh My....  I need to appropriately priorities things.  Had a sad low mellow bellow day today.  Need to do thr party wise seat allocation walaa essay. 

It is indeed difficult to picture what your life is going to look like at least for me it is an even more difficult is the attends I take to put it whatever glimps I have of into words. Talk about finding easy ways out , instead of writing a down or typing it out I am using the voice to text feature of my keyboard on my phone to bring all this together, hence the lack of punctuations. I wonder about that guy who recently won the Nobel for a book and surprisingly this is this author this author had published a huge ass novel without using punctuations in it anywhere. Some coming back to the title of this post I am going to do the following things -   1. D sleeper 10 and wake up at 5 or 6  2. D I can start my mornings with little bit of wholesome and nutritious food  3.  Only play and no work definitely makes Johnny a dull boy. 4. Remember that - Lying is only easy as long as its consequences does not come up to you to bite your ass - therefore be honest with fath...

 context - i totally forgot that I had decided to write here everyday. howsoever and whatsoever it is. No discrimination to items which are barely enough to be read out loud in 3 seconds or voluminous enough to make one run out of breadth while going across the breadth of it.  Alright, jalebis   aside, I came to Gurgaon, the paper is on 27th. Aaj 26 ho gaya as of now, underprepared but hopefully smart enough to navigate without scoring in negatives. well i know i  will know the correct answers of the questions being asked and i will select the correct option too, and I will submit the same. basically everything will be alright.  now after 27th, i need to plan it out a bit, and chalk it out a 5 day plan to wrap up the pendings and especially start attending the pending classes - maybe two days per subject, since i dont have to make any notes in particular excect of the textbooks that i am going to read. so there is that.  this is good, having my thoughts abo...