journal

 context - i totally forgot that I had decided to write here everyday. howsoever and whatsoever it is. No discrimination to items which are barely enough to be read out loud in 3 seconds or voluminous enough to make one run out of breadth while going across the breadth of it.  Alright, jalebis   aside, I came to Gurgaon, the paper is on 27th. Aaj 26 ho gaya as of now, underprepared but hopefully smart enough to navigate without scoring in negatives. well i know i  will know the correct answers of the questions being asked and i will select the correct option too, and I will submit the same. basically everything will be alright.  now after 27th, i need to plan it out a bit, and chalk it out a 5 day plan to wrap up the pendings and especially start attending the pending classes - maybe two days per subject, since i dont have to make any notes in particular excect of the textbooks that i am going to read. so there is that.  this is good, having my thoughts abo...

  TOP PRIORITIES -  1. ANALYSIS OF QUESTIONS AND OPTIONS 2004 TO 2023  ( JRF)  2. FINISHING ALL THE MARATHON VIDEOS ( 20 UNITS)  3. FINISHING -  RA: - RA, LR, COMM, ICT, TA   4. ECO  5. LAXMIKANT/DD BASU - VV IMP  1. READ AT LEAST 5 PUBLICATION ON WOMEN IN BIHAR - TO GAUGE - LEECTORAL POLITICS OR CRIMINAL JUSTICE SYSTEM  2. CLASS - ATTEND DAILY AND CLEAR BACKLOGS  3 types of questions in UPSC -  1. PURELY CA  2. CONTEMPORARY AFFAIRS  - ( 2-3 YEARS )  3. STATIC BASED ON CURRENT  SOURCES -  A. DAILY -  1. NP - HINDU  2.  DAILY CA  B. 2. MONTHLY MAG  C. 3. YEARLY MAG 

I opened a new tab to google, what to do if you feel empty inside. But stopped short of it, and opened the blog instead. Not knowing, what to say, what to write, what to think, where to begin, how to frame it, how to let the thoughts run their course, chart their path and unfold on this blank screen. All I can think of, is the next letter, that my fingers are supposed to slam themselves against, and in between I  look up to watch the scree, find the words underlined in red, correct them if the spelling is wrong, correctly punctuate.  why was I about to google what I was going to google about. Well, there are multiple reasons, I feel lost, and unseen ( something i am not used to, i have always been the center of attention, now i am not  even in anyone's periphery. why? because i am not doing something worthwhile, and thats eating me away, bit by bit. i feel ashamed, and i feel like I have failed.)  I know its not true, but thats how my mind is rolling right now. Not a...