7. hey hey hey what's going on

Not going to lie, I am love these quirky titles for these post. 

So my first question to myself is..... Drum rolls please - 

1. So how does it feel navigating your everyday on your own. 

It is confusing. I lack a structure as of now. I guess it will take some time before I can build a routine. Even more time before it turns out to be holistic and sustainable. 

NGL, it'd be great if someone would just telll me what to do and when to do - koi batate chale ki kab kyaa kitna karna hai, aur hum anusaran kar lein.... In school, I used to guide myself khud hi.... So ya, miss the self-guidance..... Damn I was, no I am my own Sherpa. 

2. Does it feel lonely?

At times, absolutely and totally. But it doesn't linger anymore. Just a fleeting thought or feeeeeeling. Like ki haan ye phalana baat kisi ko batana hai, par koi hai nahi bataane ke liye..... (To likh lo maybe, ) Utna bhi sexy baat nahi hota hai ki likhte phirein.... Just a basic ykw moment.... Wo nahi hota, want someone to witness your life with you. Waisa kuch. 

3. Shrinking circles - where are you at right now? Do you still feel like going gayab?

Yes. Absolutely vanishing off the face of Earth. If I could I would disconnet, disassociate, and disappear. 

(Why?) Well it's .... I know how easy it is fo me to make a connection or build a relationship from scratch with anyone and everyone - so I guess that gives me confidence ki will be fine enough, I can be a part of some kind of community. 

That being said, it's equally easy for me to cut off and vanish.... Out of sight out of life...  

(What urge) Ok like I feel like breaking all kinda rishta from my family in toto, friends, acquaintance, people who may know me.... Everyone that I know, and everyone who might know me.... And then fucking off.... No strings attached. 

At this point that's like my strongest motivation for. God how unhealthy that is! Lol. 

Ok, so that's all for today. 

1.  Structure and routine will come up , rn you are in experimental mode anyway, maybe take two more days and from Monday (08.04.24) you can stick to one thing. 

2. You arent lonely. you have amazing supporting people in your life. You are just lazy and impatient and you think too highly of yourself to reach out. But then you do self-talk alot so maybe you end up telling yourself everything that you need to hear.  But it's going to be more comforting and more doable agar koi third person bole..... And share with friends, with Nonna. 

But no, fuck this.... We are our Authority. We is the Supreme leader. We tells what we dos. (Self - discipline)... 

3. Ok that is not possible. You can't cut them off. Maybe you can maintain s healthy distance from them later on.... But don't be so extreme. It's all going to be fine. If you cut off from mommaa, then what will you eaaaaat? 

You will be fine and amazing. We will be fantastic and fabulous and 47 kgs soon. 

Things you need to do - 

1. Drink more water - 1 glass every 2 hour 

2. Workout - 10 minutes*5 

3. Chai  = 1 cup only , accha 2

4. Black coffee -, no sugar = 1 only before 2 pm and after 12 pm 

5. Walk on grassss , touch a plant...

6. Cook for yourself = only 3 times in a week ( it is time consuming) so restraint