journal

 long before I appeared for the exam, I knew what the result is going to be, and I already made peace with it. that made the D day least stressful, I showed up and sat through the 4 hours and that was commendable for me at least.  but of course, I dont want it to go in vain. Hence, here I am, laying down on my back, ensuring that I am well rested, sick leave,  taking it all in. SO that once I am up, I am up for the journey ahead as well.  

 its only human to have expectations. That makes life "life"- the sense of fulfillment that follows when things happen as you expect or the sense of despair that fills your stomach as you witness none of your expectations being ever met. That is the high and the lows, giving meaning to each other, giving them their due importance.  The consequences of our choices always catch up. And most of all, the expectations we have of others, they arent obligated by them. Its not their burden to carry.  you made the choice to be not financially independent. you dont get to whine about it now. and relax. you will do everything for you, you arent just ready yet. be kind to yourself and towards others. they dont owe you anything, nor you owe them. 

Ok what an empathetic title....  Let's begin by recalling the only cardinal principle I will ever abide by- "Men may come  and men may go but I go on forever"  Amen!  Hola mi amor! Esta es muy difícil. Yo tengo muchas preguntas. Estoy muy confundido.  Lol kidding. No questions, no confusions. It's all about breathing and taking one moment at a time.  Have done it so many times and yet everytime it feels like it's the first time I am trying to get over someone. That's so lame but so real. Perks and con of Short term memory loss, eh!?  I know I will be fine, it's only human to feel sad and honestly I am glad ki I am actually feeling sad and disappointed, had been an year. Was almost questioning my current mindset? Have I turned into a sociopath? Psychopath? Polymath? Or just plain simple loco? 🤨 Now chalo I am relieved ki dukhi hone ka capacity to hai. Similarly dubara rebuild karne ka bhi hai. Accha isi ko resilience kahte Hain. Ye nahi hua to kuch aur...

Kisi ko kuch sabit nahin karna hai. 

Guiding principles, mann ki aawaz but lafz kinhi aur ke..... 1. Inward looking, self regarding action  Men may come and men may go but you go on forever  2. Other regarding actions, outwardly conduct Service before self  3. Identity derived from  Bharat bhagya vidhata  Where the mind is without fear and the head is held high

Toh sau baat ki ek baat, load nahi lene ka. Na load dene ka.... People change and they can be replaced also.... Kahin patthar mein likha nahi hota ki it's always going to work out with everyone. Nahi chala nahi chala, isme mayus hone waala koi baat hi nahi hai. Apna effort agar honest tha aur 100% tha to baas phir ho gaya. Kayamat mein tumhare actions pe tumko judge Kiya jaayega. To tum apna dekkho na.  Love and light to you gurrrrrl.... Abhi dil se ziyada dimagh ka fikar karne ka time hai waise bhi. Bechara overload ka shikar, sensory se llekar informatory tak! Bechare ko bahlao phuslao,  jo thaani ho , usko achieve Karo..... Marathon bhagna hai, uspe dhyan do, crowd mein kaun hai cheer karne ke liye kaun nahi hai, usse to ek Paisa farak nahi padta hai..... Act like the Sun that you are, don't burden yourself with the actions or inactions of others, you have a solar system to look after and provide for.